Tonight I had one of those very real dreams.
It probably only lasted for 35 minutes or so, but it was very real. So real that it affects you. And this was only phase 1.
In phase 1, I find myself at a strip club, hanging out with some random people I'm not sure what they represent. One of the women in the group was an African American girl. She was young, kind of thick, but not too thick. Just a little plump. The cute kind, like the one I believe Huxley describes in Brave New world, only black. Actually, Huxley actually never explicitly says the color of this woman or any of the other characters besides the Indian. Then again he probably did somewhere in a not-so-explicit way. Yet I digress. The point is that it was one of those very vivid dream. A random person from my high school I was not friends with arrives at some point, we'll call him SS. Two of my girl friends from college were in a group of girls and were there. I had one particular stripper taking care of me. There was a car ride involved, but at this point I have forgotten how that transpired (possibly). The stripper taking care of me was the one driving. There was no dancing and no actual nudity that I recall in the dream. But it was a strip club. I remember the stripper saying somethign to the affect of "let's pool it up." This meant go out into the pool. This made me recall earlier parts of the dream (which may have never actually happened in the dream, but I made the recollection in the dream) where there were people in the pool. This strip club setting must be loosely based on what I've heard about the Men's Club in Houston. There are a lot of African Americans in the club. A lot of velvet-type colors on the walls and even in the clothing. The plump black woman who was in my group of friends was wearing a shiny silver dress, that fit around her body for the first part of the dream and a black lacy dress for the second part of the dream. The dress turned lacy for a purpose I will describe later. Anyway, after the "pool it up" comment, I remember this was said while walking back into the club from whence I was lying on the street next to the car. The stripper had come up to me and lured me in. I guess she had been away for a while. I may have gone outside to hang out with the boys or girls or something. This may be SS's first appearance. He's playing a game with pre-adolescent boys in which there is a competition of some debate and they ask for my help in determining the actual rules. I explain to them my take on it. Anyway, on my way back into the club with the stripper, at some point, she gives me a joint and I take a few hits. As I'm opening the door to the pool/hot tub area, I realize I have a huge erection (I did not have one when I woke up for the dream, so this may have been part of the dream. I always thought an erection in a dream was an erection in real life.) There's many people in the pools, I've got a bathing suit on, and I'm not willing to risk this embarrassment. I even try the dick-flip up move. It doesn't work. I tell the stripper I've got to to use the restroom. She non-nonchalantly yet somewhat condescendingly tell me ok or something (this shows my views of strippers). The halls to the restroom are dark and extensive. I realize a man with a flashlight is following me. I think it's a cop. This is when I realize I'm very high. I'm walking into rooms and realizing they aren't the restroom and walking out. The flashlight helps me see yet scares the shit out of me at the same time. Is it a cop? After wondering this, I turn and see the man and realize it's an African American bouncer at the club. He has a black shirt with some white writing on his left breast portion of his shirt, signifying the club or something. I'm not sure if he was helping me. I don't recall him speaking. I eventually find the restroom. The walls and stalls are painted greenish. The quality and grunginess is of an actual strip club. Not a good one, but like a BYOB, $25 cover full nude strip club. This one had that wet feeling of dripping pipes and such. And I again remember I'm high. As I begin pissing with my erection the urine is going somewhat all over the place. There is another man at the stall next to me. Either a Mexican or a light skinned black guy and he's looking over at me. I'm very scared and trying to keep it together. I run my hand along the wall and try to finish. I get the hell out of there. I find the plump black woman who was my friend and ask her to get me out of there. I know I haven't paid my tab to the stripper, but remember that maybe I have. Either way, I tell my friend that she has to act like she's already with me (as a stripper) so that I'm no longer discovered by the strippers, who will make me pay money. She has to hide me. Hence the black lacy dress that kind of shows her back and such. I remember making a jokingly comment to the affect that we should be fine pretending that she's a stripper because the way she dresses. She laughed. We start getting pretty flirty and at one point she may piggy-back onto my back as we head out to the car. At some point we run into SS again. He's got several hats on and is for whatever reason his presence is stopping me from passing. He's bragging about winning that game I spoke of earlier. I feel uncomfortable and I believe the dream moves on to Phase 2.
N, moving up in my phone list. It was like a fantasy football list or something. He (age 11) was either number 11 or 12 and his older brother TR (24) (my closest cousin in age and my childhood buddy at family events. We are still close to this day) was #11 or 12. So they both occupied either 11 or 12 on this numbered list that dominates phase 2 of the dream. I wanted to call N and tell him he was moving up on my list. And I remember feeling that I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I had made the phone call on my silver phone I used to use. I remember a man answering. I remember trying to figure out how I had made this call and determined I dialed N's cell phone from this list that went to 12. I also remember the list had the 11th and 12th names filled out (or slots filled out with names?) and nothing else above it. I wanted N higher on the list. The man who answered his cell phone was a fairly deep-voiced scholarly-sounding man who spoke on behalf of N. At some points it seemed as if he was almost calling him over there. I was feeling emotional. I realized I wasn't going to get to talk to him. He was at a school house. I believe with this man. I had no trouble explaining to the man to tell N that he was moving up on this list. But I started feeling emotional and wanted to explain to the man to go ahead and also tell him that I love him. It begins to stand out that N is currently side-by-side with TR on the list. (right now, I recall comparing some of my more recent debauchery with how TR has gotten "wilder" as of late and it made me feel better. This is the Tuesday after one particular incident I was not proud of. Though TR never would have done what I did, I felt better thinking about him as getting crazy of late.) So basically, there was some loose ends where I couldn't get my emotion out. Somewhere after this, it moves into phase 3. A school play type of thing where the stage singers are singing and the crowd sings back.
"Elect Sam Adams. You know the man he was a crook." "WAS A CROOK." Then my mind starts to wander about whether or not John Adams was defeated in his second attempt at the presidency and the fact that he lost to Sam Adams (some of the times in the song/story I was creating the name Sam Jackson was used). Neither of which is true and I know this, but it was running through my thoughts as the dream went on. The singing was very real. After "You know the man's a crook", the audience, a theatre one, about the size of a high school auditorium, sung back "WAS A CROOK". And so it went "Elect, Sam Adams, and you know the man's a crook" "WAS A CROOK!" The dream gets vivid and the images stray from the theatre and focus on a street with a light blue house. The imagery is very autumn-like. There are no cars. I believe it represented colonial time (I'm currently reading "The Founding Brothers" in the restroom), the song vividly playing as this image sits. At this point, my brain decides it's time to start writing down dreams (I remember thinking how I often dream good ideas and allow them to pass - the lyrics of this song were something I felt I needed to write down), and at the time I was thinking I was awake, lying down, fluttering between dream and awake. I have a blue felt tip pen and a greenish notepad (thinking, at the time, this was a particular oldish notepad I had in my childhood). I begin writing. The first line goes fine "Elect Sam Adams, I said you know the man's a crook." The second line, I'm about to write the same line again, doesn't go quite as smoothly. The first couple words were fine on the second line. However, things get difficult. This may have been physical. As I was awakening, you know, as I'm trying to more further emulate writing, my hand is actually hard to move, as I am lying face-down in bed. I see an image of that pad with a neat line and one extremely messy. I get fairly distraught, I believe, and I'm almost awake. That's when I feel it. And I'll call it Phase 4.
I hear my name (I now have tears in my eyes as I write this). It's a woman's voice. I remember thinking that it was my mom trying to wake me up. I feel a hand on my buttocks. Not in any sort of sexual way. Just softly touching it enough to tell me "wake up" in a very gentle manner. I hear another voice. It was my sister's this time. The hand on my buttocks. Either again, or it's been there the whole time. The voices were so vivid and real. Not as in vivid and real within a dream. There WERE vivid and WERE real. Something touched me and soft sounds entered my ears. I believe I thought at this point I was home (which is funny because lately I described one of my latest debaucheries being caused by the fact that I haven't had a solid home in 7 years. I've literally moved every time one of my leases ended since college started. And I moved another extra time when I got robbed. And I only lived with my sister for a few months, without a lease. Also the imagery involved with the N phone call was very real and home-like. The man who answers possibly represents some sort of all-knowing teacher. The blue house with the autumn feelings in phase 3 really had a feeling of home. My childhood home, as did the note pad. Home and childhood.)
So, as I feel this hand on my buttocks or thigh area and hear the very soft voices of the two women in my life, Mom and my sister, I wake up. I was extremely emotional. It was exactly how people describe when they have some sort of calling, out of body experience, touched by God, or an Angel, or found Jesus sort of thing. It's truly incredible. I mean I immediately felt this is what had happened to me tonight. And one thing people always emphasize is "and I was not afraid". It's exactly like that. Even though you felt someone touching you and saying your name and, after you wake up, you're really at home by yourself in your room, you are not afraid. Not in the least bit. My initial reaction was to believe that was a religious experience, and I'm not now saying it wasn't that. This was, in fact, the most religious experience I've ever had. But what really felt good was when I asked myself "why then was it a woman's voice" and answered myself that it must be that some sort of Angel. It felt so good to view my mother in that light. As I fight back tears at this moment, thinking my mother is my angel, it just feels so damn good. She's an Angel on this earth and she's been with me from day one. She is the only thing in this world that actually loves me. And it is extremely unconditional. Trust me, if it had conditions, it would be gone by now.
At first, I couldn't help but feel the responsibility that comes with this type of event happening to people. They "turn their lives around" and become extremely religious. You hear all sorts of things of that nature. I remember telling myself that I could see myself letting this sort of thing go to waste. I would be the first person in the history of religious experiences in which my laziness and procrastination would actually defeat the experience. Then the purpose came into play. And it's something I've been fighting a losing battle with since as long as I can remember. It was about moderation. That sounds simple and like the easy way out, but that's all it is. I talked with my mother on the phone last night for 2 hours and she tried to preach to me to just moderate myself. Have some control. I told her, being honest, that I really don't know how to do that. I have two gears. On and off. Extremely high and extremely low. I'm either cheap or I spend every dime I have. I'm either angry or the nicest guy in the world. I'm either depressed or in a great mood. You get the idea. I don't know what causes these things, but I've got to find a middle gear. I have full understanding that I've got to meet God, Jesus, my mother, my sister whoever, halfway. I also need a home. This doesn't mean a house. This doesn't mean any specific sort of roof over my head. I'm fine where I am. It means I need stability. I need to realize that just because I'm floating around doesn't mean my actions won't follow me. Some may say it shouldn't require a religious experience to tell me these things, but I'm not like some. I'm not like most. I'm probably not like any. Call it arrogant, but it's true. And this on-off switch thing was going to kill me. It was already killing my soul. You can tell this message has been trying to tear its way out of my heart in some of my previous posts that take a serious note. I tried to analyze myself or chastise myself for some of my actions. That I had lost myself. I tried to reconcile with my writing, but wasn't strong enough to do anything about it on my own. God, I pray this moment actually sticks with me. I've been waiting for one of these since I was a little kid, and it actually came exactly when it comes for anyone else I've heard tell similar stories - it comes exactly when you need it most.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Bloggin (from 6/12/2009)
It's strange the places where you can learn stuff. Especially when you weren't brought up to read too much or were never taught the proper way to educate yourself when you're curious about something. If you're prone to learning, you can soak in knowledge from anything. Some people don't need "experience" at their jobs, careers or hobbies to be successful at them. Some people are able to gain "experience" from everything (literally) that has happened to them, no matter how "insignificant" that an event was.
I've learned just about everything I know from small conversations or situations that take place around me that normally wouldn't seem to matter. However, I tend to extrapalate these small tid bits of information into how to go about my everyday life. I stick to these tid bits until they are proven wrong. Because of this, and at a point along the road I haven't a clue where, I forgot what my personality was. This isn't necessarily that bad of a thing. Luckily, people are creatures of habit. I haven't done anything so terrible that I'm going to live in regret for the rest of my life. But I know I've lost the pieces of my conscience that kept me from doing the things I shouldn't do or made me do the things I should.
Now, one of those tid bits is going to save me.
Many years ago, I was watching Saturday Night Live, when it was good. I saw the mock-commercial for Uncle Jemima's pure mash liquor. It stars Tracy Morgan as Uncle Jemima, Aunt Jemima's husband who wants to sell his brand of liquor. And selling is what this blog entry is all about. Except it's about the terrible job I've been doing selling myself to everyone else. It's also about what I'm going to do about it.
Years after seeing this commercial, when I first had high speed internet (freshman year of college), my roommate and I began downloading funny clips that we haven't seen in years: particularly SNL clips. I stumbled upon the Uncle Jemima's pure mash liquor commercial. I remembered it being hilarious, so I downloaded it. At one point, toward the end, Uncle Jemima starts swatting at the cartoon birds after drinking from his bottle. Tim Meadows' character says, "what you swattin' at". Good stuff. At any rate, at one point during the clip, Uncle Jemima says that Aunt Jemima asks him why he wants to sell booze and Uncle Jemima tells her "I said sell what you know, and I know booze."
And that line stuck with me. "Sell what you know." That became one of my tid bits. And tonight it helped me out. For reasons irrelevant to this blog, the fact that I've strayed away from who I really am finally started to bother me for the right reasons. It used to bother me because I thought I wasn't "being myself" or because I might start doing immoral things or for some other reason God only remembers. Today, it bothered me because who I am is a shit load better than anything I've ever tried to be.
Sell what you know. Here's what I know:
I know baseball.
I know I can write.
I know I have a big heart.
I know I'm a thinker.
I know I'm a ham.
I know I'm shy because of my insecurities.
I know I think I'm the best at everything I put my mind to. I know I may not be.
I know I can probably make you laugh more when not trying than I can by trying.
I know that I'm lazy but that I still work my ass off anyway because it's the right thing to do.
I know I care more about respect than money or any material things.
I know that ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
The rest is bullshit.
Somewhere along the way, the arrogance, the pride, the selfishness, the jealousy and the fear that come with being a human got the best of me. I forgot what I was supposed to stand for. More importantly, I forgot what I was supposed to represent. First and foremost, I represent my family. I'm supposed to be an extension of them. For a while, I have not been. I've been an embarrassment to them. Even worse, at times, I've been embarrassed by them when they've done nothing to deserve that. Especially considering that at the end of the day, they're all I've really got... and that at the end of the next day, they may not be there.
What I've written in previous blogs is not what I'm all about. What I do at my job is not what I'm all about. The things I say and do when I'm out getting completely shit-faced with the people that I've met are not who I am. These things are essentially meaningless to me. They are a miniscule part of who I am. They have been the medium by which I have been able to crawl out of my shell and associate with other people, a majority of which I truly want nothing to do with. I write these blogs, I go to my job and I drink these beers because I don't know what else to do. I do it because I hunger for a reaction from people. It's not an honest way to live, and it's not an easy way to create any kind of relationship with anyone who's worth a damn. Because of this, I consider myself lucky. I have my family who's been there no matter what. And I've got friends who, for God knows why, break their backs for me even though at times I've been nothing but trouble. Hopefully it's because they know I'd break mine for them as well. How they would have managed to figure that out from the joke of a life I've been living is beyond me. I'm hoping that at times along the road, they've seen the real me. Hopefully, they've seen the side of me that is shy, or the side of me that can't hurt a fly. Hopefully, the fact that I can put down a case of beer, talk shit and stay up 'til five has little to do with it. Who knows? But I'm going to take my mulligan, chalk it up as a lesson learned, consider myself lucky and move on from here. But like I said, actions speak louder than words, so we'll see what this ol' wannabe can muster up in round 3.
I've learned just about everything I know from small conversations or situations that take place around me that normally wouldn't seem to matter. However, I tend to extrapalate these small tid bits of information into how to go about my everyday life. I stick to these tid bits until they are proven wrong. Because of this, and at a point along the road I haven't a clue where, I forgot what my personality was. This isn't necessarily that bad of a thing. Luckily, people are creatures of habit. I haven't done anything so terrible that I'm going to live in regret for the rest of my life. But I know I've lost the pieces of my conscience that kept me from doing the things I shouldn't do or made me do the things I should.
Now, one of those tid bits is going to save me.
Many years ago, I was watching Saturday Night Live, when it was good. I saw the mock-commercial for Uncle Jemima's pure mash liquor. It stars Tracy Morgan as Uncle Jemima, Aunt Jemima's husband who wants to sell his brand of liquor. And selling is what this blog entry is all about. Except it's about the terrible job I've been doing selling myself to everyone else. It's also about what I'm going to do about it.
Years after seeing this commercial, when I first had high speed internet (freshman year of college), my roommate and I began downloading funny clips that we haven't seen in years: particularly SNL clips. I stumbled upon the Uncle Jemima's pure mash liquor commercial. I remembered it being hilarious, so I downloaded it. At one point, toward the end, Uncle Jemima starts swatting at the cartoon birds after drinking from his bottle. Tim Meadows' character says, "what you swattin' at". Good stuff. At any rate, at one point during the clip, Uncle Jemima says that Aunt Jemima asks him why he wants to sell booze and Uncle Jemima tells her "I said sell what you know, and I know booze."
And that line stuck with me. "Sell what you know." That became one of my tid bits. And tonight it helped me out. For reasons irrelevant to this blog, the fact that I've strayed away from who I really am finally started to bother me for the right reasons. It used to bother me because I thought I wasn't "being myself" or because I might start doing immoral things or for some other reason God only remembers. Today, it bothered me because who I am is a shit load better than anything I've ever tried to be.
Sell what you know. Here's what I know:
I know baseball.
I know I can write.
I know I have a big heart.
I know I'm a thinker.
I know I'm a ham.
I know I'm shy because of my insecurities.
I know I think I'm the best at everything I put my mind to. I know I may not be.
I know I can probably make you laugh more when not trying than I can by trying.
I know that I'm lazy but that I still work my ass off anyway because it's the right thing to do.
I know I care more about respect than money or any material things.
I know that ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS.
The rest is bullshit.
Somewhere along the way, the arrogance, the pride, the selfishness, the jealousy and the fear that come with being a human got the best of me. I forgot what I was supposed to stand for. More importantly, I forgot what I was supposed to represent. First and foremost, I represent my family. I'm supposed to be an extension of them. For a while, I have not been. I've been an embarrassment to them. Even worse, at times, I've been embarrassed by them when they've done nothing to deserve that. Especially considering that at the end of the day, they're all I've really got... and that at the end of the next day, they may not be there.
What I've written in previous blogs is not what I'm all about. What I do at my job is not what I'm all about. The things I say and do when I'm out getting completely shit-faced with the people that I've met are not who I am. These things are essentially meaningless to me. They are a miniscule part of who I am. They have been the medium by which I have been able to crawl out of my shell and associate with other people, a majority of which I truly want nothing to do with. I write these blogs, I go to my job and I drink these beers because I don't know what else to do. I do it because I hunger for a reaction from people. It's not an honest way to live, and it's not an easy way to create any kind of relationship with anyone who's worth a damn. Because of this, I consider myself lucky. I have my family who's been there no matter what. And I've got friends who, for God knows why, break their backs for me even though at times I've been nothing but trouble. Hopefully it's because they know I'd break mine for them as well. How they would have managed to figure that out from the joke of a life I've been living is beyond me. I'm hoping that at times along the road, they've seen the real me. Hopefully, they've seen the side of me that is shy, or the side of me that can't hurt a fly. Hopefully, the fact that I can put down a case of beer, talk shit and stay up 'til five has little to do with it. Who knows? But I'm going to take my mulligan, chalk it up as a lesson learned, consider myself lucky and move on from here. But like I said, actions speak louder than words, so we'll see what this ol' wannabe can muster up in round 3.
About Me II (from January 23, 2009)
1. DEATH PENALTY - The first thing people always bring up to emotionally charge this debate is the family of the victims. I've never honestly given it much thought as an argument for the death penalty, and I'll get back to that. I want to start by saying that I used to believe in the death penalty because I felt it was in our best interest to kill these people. They killed someone, so in order to make sure that it doesn't happen again, we should kill them. However, that is not really a good way to look at it, to me. That would mean that anytime someone does something bad, we should kill them because it means they won't be able to do it again. I don't think too many people would agree with that method.
Another argument centers around religion, which I personally feel is valid. However, I don't care what you say that the bible says, I don't believe in "eye for an eye". We're smarter than that. I think "two wrongs don't make a right" usually holds up to be true. I don't know much about the bible, but when Jesus was hanging on the cross next to two thieves, he gave them salvation. He didn't go steal from them. On the same token, when someone robs a house, we don't go rob their house to punish them. We put them in prison so they won't do it anymore. So, from a religious standpoint, I look at things like forgiveness, mercy and "Thou shall not kill" to form my opinions on the death penalty. I don't feel I can tailor my religion to fit my political beliefs. I see no problem with doing things the other way around, though.
Even if you agree with me, for whatever reason, that "eye for an eye" is not the best way to approach capital punishment (or life for that matter), you could still say that in any case, the punishment should fit the crime. Any reasonable citizen can agree with this. If you commit a crime, you should pay for it in a fitting way. That's what justice is all about. You could argue with my main point from the first paragraph and say that prison is a perfectly fitting punishment for someone who robs a bank. There's no need to kill a bank robber. I would agree with that. You could then say that a fine is a fitting punishment for someone who parks in a handicap space. Of course, there's no need to kill this person. You could then say that killing a person is the best way to "punish" someone who killed another human being. This is where I have to stop and think. Now, before going any further, there are varying beliefs of who should get the death penalty. It depends on the circumstance: the number of instances, the severity, the motive, etc. of the crime(s). A death penalty advocate may feel criminal A and B but not C deserve the death penalty and a different advocate may feel criminal C was the only one to deserve the death penalty. So let's just cut to the chase and assume someone committed the worst possible crime, whatever that may be. If anything warrants the death penalty, then the worst possible crime definitely would be one of these things.
So, someone committed the worst possible crime. We need to punish this person (let's say "inflict justice" instead of punish because, as I said in the first paragraph, stopping someone from doing the crime again is another valid reason for capital punishment, and for imprisonment for that matter.) How do we inflict justice? One way would be to kill him. There are several reasons to believe this is the best way to inflict justice. Some feel we should put them in prison. I personally feel we should stick this person in prison for life with no parole. I simply can't find enough reasons why death is the best way to punish someone. Hell, some criminals prefer death over life in prison. And I really don't want to hear anything about the cost relationships between the death penalty and spending life in prison. First of all, I think money does not come into play when you are dealing with whether or not you should end a human's life. And, second, I feel that the cost of the death penalty could be as cheap as a single bullet, a gallon of gasoline and a match. I also don't want to hear anything about how some people get wrongfully accused and killed. Although this supports my stance, my goal in life is not to justify the stances I take and from which I refuse to budge. I prefer making my stances based on things I've learned. And one thing I've learned is that life is not fair. Just like there are people who wrongfully get the death penalty, there are people sitting in prison who do not belong. Who knows? This same person might prefer a wrongful death over a wrongful imprisonment. In short, while I've decided not to support the death penalty, I respect anyone looking at it from this overall view point, no matter what conclusion you draw.
I think we should remember that in all aspects of criminal justice, the overall goal should be to make sure the crime does not happen again, or at the very least happens less often. It doesn't matter if you feel you are punishing the criminal and teaching him and others not to commit this crime anymore, or if you feel keeping him behind bars or killing him keeps him from being around the public and committing more crimes. At the end of the day, it appalls me that human beings commit serious violent crimes. I hate that we need to debate things of this nature and have to spend countless time and money determining how to deal with it. My personal view point, though, is that I just don't feel comfortable supporting the killing of another man, no matter what he did. For those people that have lost loved ones and feel that the criminal should pay for it, I'm definitely on your side. Just because I don't think this person should die does not make me a "supporter" of him as a person. And, personally, I don't think it's right to throw the whole "I know more on this topic because (blank) happened to my family so, no, you can't argue with me because it will make you look insensitive" at someone. Terrible things happen to everyone's family at some point or another and, while it's completely understandable that this victim and/or his family would wish death upon the criminal, just because it happened to yours specifically does not mean you get to influence the justice system. So, telling me to think of a victim's family when deciding my death penalty stance really has no bearing. I've already taken that into account as a reason to punish this person in the first place.
{To extend on this point, I've always believed that justice should be carried out based on the intentions of the criminal. If a drunk driver crashes into a car and kills three people, he can get charged with manslaughter. I agree, driving drunk is horrible. I hate it. I don't do it. This is not the point at all. Whatever laws that are currently in place for drunk driving incidents should remain. However, I feel that a person who shoots another person in the head in cold blood should spend more time in prison than the drunk driver, no matter what. However, if the victim in this case managed to survive the shooting and fully recover, I'm almost certain the shooter would get out of jail in less time than the drunk driver, on average. I personally don't feel this is right. If I were to agree with the death penalty, I would feel that the shooter in this case should get the death penalty either way. The fact that the victim survived is irrelevant. The shooter's actions were exactly the same in both cases. I don't care if you murdered someone or attempted to murder someone. Just because you failed at your goal doesn't make you any less of a criminal. And the fact that the victim's family is less distraught when he survives also does not change the criminal's actions.}
2. GUN CONTROL - If someone breaks into my home again while I'm there, I am going to kill them.
This one is not that complicated to me. The same reasons you have for not letting me have a gun are the reasons I have one.
I don't want to hear that "street violence is up" is a reason I can't have a gun. It sickens me that people are so violent. I care about street violence. I wish there was none. But when you outlaw guns completely and a guy from these same "streets" I'm supposed to care about breaks into my house, guess who's going to be the person with no gun? Screw that. The fact that murder rates and violent crime rates are up just increases my chances of being a damn victim. I want a gun even more after reading these kinds of statistics.
I don't want to hear that my kid could find the gun and start playing with it, then accidentally shoot himself. If I had a kid, that kid would be the very thing I'm protecting with my gun. Gun accidents are horrible, but it wouldn't happen to me. And if it did, I would never be able to forgive myself for buying that gun or writing this paragraph. But I would also never be able to forgive myself if someone broke into my home and harmed my family and I didn't do shit about it because I didn't want to risk a freak accident. I'm sticking with the gun and taking my chances.
And if you feel like throwing my death penalty arguments back at me to say I'm being hypocritical, that's fine. When shit hits the fan, all bets are off. I'd be more than willing to go to jail if it means I get to stay alive. The point is, I want to be able to own a gun so that I can kill someone if they enter my home. If killing the person who enters my home makes me a bad person or a criminal after the fact, then I'm willing to live with that. At least I'll be living.
3. HEALTHCARE - If someone is sick, I want them to be able to go to the doctor if they need to. I also feel people would take advantage of it and it would not be fair to those who really need it or those of us who would be paying for it. But life is not fair so we can deal with that. The point is, if you are sick, I want you to be able to go to the doctor.
4. ABORTION - I hate abortion. I think it should be illegal. I think women can have all the freedoms of choice they want as long as it doesn't involve killing someone. And if you want to say that it's not killing someone because the kid isn't alive yet, then that's fine. I'm not going to get into the science of it with you, I will respect your opinion because determining when someone becomes "alive" is not my field of expertise. I will just rephrase what I said. I think women can have all the freedoms of choice they want as long as it doesn't involve aborting their babies. I'm comfortable saying that. If you feel that abortion should be legal, then I don't think you should go to jail. But there is no way I will ever agree with you.
5. IRAQ - I don't think we should have gone to Iraq. I kept trying to word this as to not sound cliche like I was denouncing the war but supporting the troops, but it never came out the way I really felt. The way I really feel is that we should not have gone to Iraq. It's that simple. That doesn't mean I didn't support our involvement when it began. It means we shouldn't have gone. It wasn't my job to make that call. Now that we are over there, we are in deep. We messed their stuff all up over there. When it comes down to it, since people from my country are over there, I hope they do all the killing and don't get killed. I wish it was neither but I'm going to pull for my side, which includes some of my best friends as well as some of my best interests. It's not in my best interest for my country to lose a war. And now that we're there and f'ed all this stuff up, we have to fix it. So we have to stay. And I know that includes killing people. So from this point forward, I have to support the war. If I sound like a hypocrite, that's fine. I can't help it, I treat life like a poker game. What I see is, I just tried to limp in first position with jack-ten offsuit. Someone raises in third position and I realize how shitty of a play I made. However, in life and poker you have to re-evaluate at all times. After three people call and the blinds fold, of course I want to fold. But I do the math and my 6-1 odds aren't looking so bad with jack-ten off. Even though my first decision was horrible, I make a decision to stick with the hand and call the raise. Sure, I end up completely missing the flop and lose 3 times the amount I would have if I would have bailed during the middle, but I have to be smart and realize it was my original intention to get involved in the hand that was so terrible, not the second decision to stick with it after I was pot-committed. If I was more educated on the topic (Iraq, not poker), I would expand. But I have no idea what was going on over there before we showed up. I feel like we should have gone over to Europe during WWII. What Hitler was doing was so terrible that it would be terrible in itself to stand by and let it happen. Killing NAZI's was a good idea and Germany is a decent country today. I don't know what to believe about Iraq before we showed up, and I have no idea what will become of it after we leave. But what I do know is that from this point forward,we will do what we have to do and there's no way I'm talking shit about it.
Another argument centers around religion, which I personally feel is valid. However, I don't care what you say that the bible says, I don't believe in "eye for an eye". We're smarter than that. I think "two wrongs don't make a right" usually holds up to be true. I don't know much about the bible, but when Jesus was hanging on the cross next to two thieves, he gave them salvation. He didn't go steal from them. On the same token, when someone robs a house, we don't go rob their house to punish them. We put them in prison so they won't do it anymore. So, from a religious standpoint, I look at things like forgiveness, mercy and "Thou shall not kill" to form my opinions on the death penalty. I don't feel I can tailor my religion to fit my political beliefs. I see no problem with doing things the other way around, though.
Even if you agree with me, for whatever reason, that "eye for an eye" is not the best way to approach capital punishment (or life for that matter), you could still say that in any case, the punishment should fit the crime. Any reasonable citizen can agree with this. If you commit a crime, you should pay for it in a fitting way. That's what justice is all about. You could argue with my main point from the first paragraph and say that prison is a perfectly fitting punishment for someone who robs a bank. There's no need to kill a bank robber. I would agree with that. You could then say that a fine is a fitting punishment for someone who parks in a handicap space. Of course, there's no need to kill this person. You could then say that killing a person is the best way to "punish" someone who killed another human being. This is where I have to stop and think. Now, before going any further, there are varying beliefs of who should get the death penalty. It depends on the circumstance: the number of instances, the severity, the motive, etc. of the crime(s). A death penalty advocate may feel criminal A and B but not C deserve the death penalty and a different advocate may feel criminal C was the only one to deserve the death penalty. So let's just cut to the chase and assume someone committed the worst possible crime, whatever that may be. If anything warrants the death penalty, then the worst possible crime definitely would be one of these things.
So, someone committed the worst possible crime. We need to punish this person (let's say "inflict justice" instead of punish because, as I said in the first paragraph, stopping someone from doing the crime again is another valid reason for capital punishment, and for imprisonment for that matter.) How do we inflict justice? One way would be to kill him. There are several reasons to believe this is the best way to inflict justice. Some feel we should put them in prison. I personally feel we should stick this person in prison for life with no parole. I simply can't find enough reasons why death is the best way to punish someone. Hell, some criminals prefer death over life in prison. And I really don't want to hear anything about the cost relationships between the death penalty and spending life in prison. First of all, I think money does not come into play when you are dealing with whether or not you should end a human's life. And, second, I feel that the cost of the death penalty could be as cheap as a single bullet, a gallon of gasoline and a match. I also don't want to hear anything about how some people get wrongfully accused and killed. Although this supports my stance, my goal in life is not to justify the stances I take and from which I refuse to budge. I prefer making my stances based on things I've learned. And one thing I've learned is that life is not fair. Just like there are people who wrongfully get the death penalty, there are people sitting in prison who do not belong. Who knows? This same person might prefer a wrongful death over a wrongful imprisonment. In short, while I've decided not to support the death penalty, I respect anyone looking at it from this overall view point, no matter what conclusion you draw.
I think we should remember that in all aspects of criminal justice, the overall goal should be to make sure the crime does not happen again, or at the very least happens less often. It doesn't matter if you feel you are punishing the criminal and teaching him and others not to commit this crime anymore, or if you feel keeping him behind bars or killing him keeps him from being around the public and committing more crimes. At the end of the day, it appalls me that human beings commit serious violent crimes. I hate that we need to debate things of this nature and have to spend countless time and money determining how to deal with it. My personal view point, though, is that I just don't feel comfortable supporting the killing of another man, no matter what he did. For those people that have lost loved ones and feel that the criminal should pay for it, I'm definitely on your side. Just because I don't think this person should die does not make me a "supporter" of him as a person. And, personally, I don't think it's right to throw the whole "I know more on this topic because (blank) happened to my family so, no, you can't argue with me because it will make you look insensitive" at someone. Terrible things happen to everyone's family at some point or another and, while it's completely understandable that this victim and/or his family would wish death upon the criminal, just because it happened to yours specifically does not mean you get to influence the justice system. So, telling me to think of a victim's family when deciding my death penalty stance really has no bearing. I've already taken that into account as a reason to punish this person in the first place.
{To extend on this point, I've always believed that justice should be carried out based on the intentions of the criminal. If a drunk driver crashes into a car and kills three people, he can get charged with manslaughter. I agree, driving drunk is horrible. I hate it. I don't do it. This is not the point at all. Whatever laws that are currently in place for drunk driving incidents should remain. However, I feel that a person who shoots another person in the head in cold blood should spend more time in prison than the drunk driver, no matter what. However, if the victim in this case managed to survive the shooting and fully recover, I'm almost certain the shooter would get out of jail in less time than the drunk driver, on average. I personally don't feel this is right. If I were to agree with the death penalty, I would feel that the shooter in this case should get the death penalty either way. The fact that the victim survived is irrelevant. The shooter's actions were exactly the same in both cases. I don't care if you murdered someone or attempted to murder someone. Just because you failed at your goal doesn't make you any less of a criminal. And the fact that the victim's family is less distraught when he survives also does not change the criminal's actions.}
2. GUN CONTROL - If someone breaks into my home again while I'm there, I am going to kill them.
This one is not that complicated to me. The same reasons you have for not letting me have a gun are the reasons I have one.
I don't want to hear that "street violence is up" is a reason I can't have a gun. It sickens me that people are so violent. I care about street violence. I wish there was none. But when you outlaw guns completely and a guy from these same "streets" I'm supposed to care about breaks into my house, guess who's going to be the person with no gun? Screw that. The fact that murder rates and violent crime rates are up just increases my chances of being a damn victim. I want a gun even more after reading these kinds of statistics.
I don't want to hear that my kid could find the gun and start playing with it, then accidentally shoot himself. If I had a kid, that kid would be the very thing I'm protecting with my gun. Gun accidents are horrible, but it wouldn't happen to me. And if it did, I would never be able to forgive myself for buying that gun or writing this paragraph. But I would also never be able to forgive myself if someone broke into my home and harmed my family and I didn't do shit about it because I didn't want to risk a freak accident. I'm sticking with the gun and taking my chances.
And if you feel like throwing my death penalty arguments back at me to say I'm being hypocritical, that's fine. When shit hits the fan, all bets are off. I'd be more than willing to go to jail if it means I get to stay alive. The point is, I want to be able to own a gun so that I can kill someone if they enter my home. If killing the person who enters my home makes me a bad person or a criminal after the fact, then I'm willing to live with that. At least I'll be living.
3. HEALTHCARE - If someone is sick, I want them to be able to go to the doctor if they need to. I also feel people would take advantage of it and it would not be fair to those who really need it or those of us who would be paying for it. But life is not fair so we can deal with that. The point is, if you are sick, I want you to be able to go to the doctor.
4. ABORTION - I hate abortion. I think it should be illegal. I think women can have all the freedoms of choice they want as long as it doesn't involve killing someone. And if you want to say that it's not killing someone because the kid isn't alive yet, then that's fine. I'm not going to get into the science of it with you, I will respect your opinion because determining when someone becomes "alive" is not my field of expertise. I will just rephrase what I said. I think women can have all the freedoms of choice they want as long as it doesn't involve aborting their babies. I'm comfortable saying that. If you feel that abortion should be legal, then I don't think you should go to jail. But there is no way I will ever agree with you.
5. IRAQ - I don't think we should have gone to Iraq. I kept trying to word this as to not sound cliche like I was denouncing the war but supporting the troops, but it never came out the way I really felt. The way I really feel is that we should not have gone to Iraq. It's that simple. That doesn't mean I didn't support our involvement when it began. It means we shouldn't have gone. It wasn't my job to make that call. Now that we are over there, we are in deep. We messed their stuff all up over there. When it comes down to it, since people from my country are over there, I hope they do all the killing and don't get killed. I wish it was neither but I'm going to pull for my side, which includes some of my best friends as well as some of my best interests. It's not in my best interest for my country to lose a war. And now that we're there and f'ed all this stuff up, we have to fix it. So we have to stay. And I know that includes killing people. So from this point forward, I have to support the war. If I sound like a hypocrite, that's fine. I can't help it, I treat life like a poker game. What I see is, I just tried to limp in first position with jack-ten offsuit. Someone raises in third position and I realize how shitty of a play I made. However, in life and poker you have to re-evaluate at all times. After three people call and the blinds fold, of course I want to fold. But I do the math and my 6-1 odds aren't looking so bad with jack-ten off. Even though my first decision was horrible, I make a decision to stick with the hand and call the raise. Sure, I end up completely missing the flop and lose 3 times the amount I would have if I would have bailed during the middle, but I have to be smart and realize it was my original intention to get involved in the hand that was so terrible, not the second decision to stick with it after I was pot-committed. If I was more educated on the topic (Iraq, not poker), I would expand. But I have no idea what was going on over there before we showed up. I feel like we should have gone over to Europe during WWII. What Hitler was doing was so terrible that it would be terrible in itself to stand by and let it happen. Killing NAZI's was a good idea and Germany is a decent country today. I don't know what to believe about Iraq before we showed up, and I have no idea what will become of it after we leave. But what I do know is that from this point forward,we will do what we have to do and there's no way I'm talking shit about it.
I'm Back Baby (from April 17, 2008)
Reasons I haven't made a blog entry in 1 month, 12 days, 3 hours and 17, 18 19 20 21... stop it.
1. Got a job.
2. Moved to Houston.
3. Had to sign up for cable/internet
4. Didn't bring my computer to Houston until about a week ago.
5. Work
I'm typing really fast and not putting much thought into it, but I want everyone to know I'm alive.
I don't know what to write, so I'm just going to make a list of current players in the Major Leagues who might get 3,000 hits.
1. Griffey
2. Ivan Rodriguez
3. Jeter
4. A-Rod
5. Vlad
6. Edgar Renteria
7. Todd Helton
8. Pujols
9. Michael Young
10. Carl Crawford.
That's all I got.
I know. Renteria. Seriously though.
Once I get a chance to play a little more poker, it'll get back to normal.
1. Got a job.
2. Moved to Houston.
3. Had to sign up for cable/internet
4. Didn't bring my computer to Houston until about a week ago.
5. Work
I'm typing really fast and not putting much thought into it, but I want everyone to know I'm alive.
I don't know what to write, so I'm just going to make a list of current players in the Major Leagues who might get 3,000 hits.
1. Griffey
2. Ivan Rodriguez
3. Jeter
4. A-Rod
5. Vlad
6. Edgar Renteria
7. Todd Helton
8. Pujols
9. Michael Young
10. Carl Crawford.
That's all I got.
I know. Renteria. Seriously though.
Once I get a chance to play a little more poker, it'll get back to normal.
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